Hanukkah is defined as follows:
An eight-day festival beginning on the 25th day of Kislev, commemorating the victory in 165 b.c. of the Maccabees over Antiochus Epiphanes (c. 215-164 b.c.) and the rededication of the Temple at Jerusalem. Also called Feast of Dedication , Feast of Lights.
When I was thinking about how I celebrated Hanukkah as a kid I realized that we make an amazing military victory into a half assed version of Christmas. For example what the hell is a Hanukkah Bush? If you ask a Jewish kid today what Hanukkah is about all he'll say is that Grandpa rubs his face than hands him a check for 25 bucks. He'll talk about spinning a dreidel and getting to light the menorah. Imagine though if he knew it was about Jews revolting agaisnt a vastly superior Syrian kingdom and kicking their ass out of Israel.
If a Christian kid came up to me bragging about Santa and his tree all I would say "Oh yea thats cool. I celebrate Hanukkah. Remember that movie 300 when they fight the Persians? Yea we did that. My holiday is about that. You sit on some dudes lap and ask for gifts right? But yea your right Christmas is way cooler."
On a side note it should be mentioned that ancient Jews had a really weird fetish with decapitating people. David with Goliath. Even our women got down with the action
So next time some kid makes you feel like Hanukkah sucks look him in the face and let him know he can have his fancy tree and awesome tradition of sitting on some fat dudes lap asking for things. Your fine with celebrating your people's history of being outnumbered and still handing our enemies asses to them. Seriously can Spielberg make a movie about this already so everyone will know that were not all just about banking and being lawyers.
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We were studying torah when we weren't supposed to, see, and the jew haters were all like, WE'RE COMING IN TO GET YER TORAH! And we hid our torahs and played dreidel and when the persecutes came in there were like, wtf?? Wearz ur TORAW??? And we were like, uh, we're just playing dreidel, duh!
ReplyDeleteAnd the tradition of hiding our identity behind some stupid spinning four-sided top continues to this very day!
And gelt is obviously our jew gold that we wear around our necks in little pouches.
weird how the maccabees fought near the same time of the year as jesus died. and also this pagan holiday that predates judaism involves lights during the darkest time of the year, the winter solstice. too much of a coincidence for me.
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